You may remember the poem we posted on Instagram a few weeks ago, The Guest House by the Sufi poet Rumi. This poem is often quoted in mindfulness based therapy programs and in other venues as a way to explain what it means to mindfully accept the present moment, even when it feels unacceptable or painful. In this poem, Rumi refers to different emotions as guests visiting the guesthouse and invites the reader to “welcome and entertain them all”, i.e. to embrace every aspect of one’s emotional reality without pushing them away or pretending it doesn’t exist. This doesn’t mean that emotions cannot be worked with or regulated in any way; rather, “welcoming” emotions that arise implies that one has to allow feelings to be as they are and to acknowledge what the feelings are BEFORE setting an intention or making a choice to relate to them in some way. There are moments where taking a break or distracting from certain painful emotions is helpful, or engaging in other skills to improve the moment or deal with a crisis. Being mindful and “using the welcome mat” though, according to Rumi, alludes to creating and sustaining the mental space in which emotions can arise and be named before one intentionally responds to them in some way like the examples above.
Does a crisis need to arise before we practice being mindfully accepting, staying curious and allowing awareness to focus entirely on the events arising in the present? No. At times like those, acceptance allows room for changes to follow. This can be a struggle, depending on one’s vulnerabilities and challenges. The real practice of being present to our experiences just as they are occurs when we live through the smaller events that occur day to day.
We’ve had such moments in these past few weeks, during which we’ve run the gamut from miniature successes to relative catastrophes that can arise during a move and settling-in process at a new place. Figuring out how to maneuver the quirks and eccentricities of various equipment, in particular the tractors, contending with the remoteness compared to once being right in the city, feeling more exposed to the elements when we have hay bales or barn cats to think of – these are all part of the adventure although they are temporary stressors. Missing one’s routines and daily habits, realizing how attached one gets to the way things work in a home, and learning to feel anchored in a brand new environment are part of the process. There have been highlights as well, including the peace of being so proximal to nature, the contented feeling when things start to come together or cherished mementoes find their new place in the home, or the surprise of how well our four cats have done with adjusting to their new place. With each of these events, sweeping emotional currents of anxiety, apprehension, loneliness, belonging, excitement and joy can arise. These are all moments in which one can practice being PRESENT. Tuning in to what one is feeling, letting it be just the way it is, and embracing the experience right now without judging it or wanting it to be different, are ways to practice being present. Staying compassionate and forgiving yourself when you feel stuck or want to take a break is another way to practice mindful attitudes. This is how life offers us homework if we are willing to do the work. Remember that being mindfully aware takes practice, even if all of us possess this innate wisdom.
There are other ways life brings us the homework, when it comes to our horses. Here is how that worked for us this past week.
One of our horses, Arya, our rescue Lipizzan, left us today as she traveled back to the States. We are heartbroken. We are also overjoyed for her, since this new journey will bring her a higher chance of happiness and belonging. A common experience for horse owners is building the connection and partnership between horse and human. There are so many books and clinics and courses and experiences in which that can happen. Establishing a horse-human bond over time can be as simple as a kiss on a horse’s nose or as elaborate as achieving the highest success on a competitive circuit with your equine partner. Sometimes the match isn’t what is expected, and this was the case with Arya. We worked as hard as we could, by ourselves and with trainers, and still there were gaps in the bond. We received advice and connected with animal intuitives and held on to the successes, and counted on progressing over the rest of our lives. Sometimes however, larger circumstances intervene and make the choice for you. It became apparent through a series of incidents in the past six months that we were not the right match for Arya, and she deserved more. She will have more experienced handlers with a true love and knowledge of her rare and special breed taking her to a deeper potential. And we have had to accept that we were not right for her, no matter how much we wanted it to be otherwise. Our readers who know and love horses will understand what it is like when you desperately want to be the person for your horse but everything suggests otherwise. Making the right choice is sometimes heartbreaking and triggers thoughts that you’ve failed. Feeling inadequate and like a fraud and unkind are all judgments we have experienced in the past few months. We also mindfully noticed how we felt brave and proud that we are acting in her best interests even though it was scary, and happy that she will be a heart horse for someone soon. Such a spectrum of emotions and thoughts is part of life for most of us right now. Being mindfully tuned in to that spectrum allows us the chance to fully experience the chaos and richness of life in all its versions.
In stark contrast to our emotions about Arya, are our emotions about the horses traveling to our farm and towards us this week. While she moves away to other experiences and people as our journey with her ends, we await the impending arrival of fillies and a stallion from our friends, Janey and Gavin Down, of SD Farms. Did we plan for these events to coincide? Nope. Life dictated the altered plans for the plane flights and trailer schedules. Within 48 hours of saying goodbye to beautiful Arya, we will be family to horses we have only briefly met in the past. We will go through the process of meeting them, knowing them and taking them into our hearts without knowing the eventual outcomes of our journey together. The cycle repeats itself and our hearts break and stay open again. Love is recycled, and the animal world is replete with wise teachers of all kinds. These horses will again teach us more about ourselves, our capabilities and our limitations. And we will do our best to take it all in, and continue to stay present to the emotions and experiences in a curious compassionate manner. Our horses are mindfulness teachers. Being with them helps us to access awareness of what unfolds in the present moment, i.e. to be mindfully aware. It is imprisoning when one starts to think “I can’t cope with this”, “I can’t do this anymore”. This is a thought that can lead to stuckness. Remember that this being human is a guesthouse, just as Rumi says.
Leaving the welcome mat out for these emotions can be draining. Sometimes you may want to just turn off. The fact is that life goes on without you, regardless of whether you disengage. Choosing to stay engaged is terrifying at times. Intentionally taking a moment or two to tune in, as far as you are able, and then shifting focus is a first step. The alternative, staying continually disengaged, can be scarier with its consequences of depleting the richness of life. Take a breath, notice your breathing, tune in to the moment. Bring out the welcome mat.